when full fledged Alzheimer’s hits
does it obliterate the fear of forgetting
the fear of succumbing
the fear of submitting
the fear of being stupid or crazy to the ones you love?

when finally your brain arcs so rapidly
you cannot hold a thought
for more than a blink of your eye
does your muscle memory cease as well
to react to the fear?

but wait, if you forget the fear
to what is there to react?

I often thought my mother’s mind was clear
that she knew what was happening
but was saved from the fear of forgetting
of being thought stupid
“I’m NOT stupid, you know!”
by the arcing of her brain,
the malfunction of that organ
except when the plaque and the tangles,
now and then properly aligned
and her words and her thoughts worked together
like right before her active dying kicked in
and she knew for a moment, and could say,
that Mag, her darling daughter, was in the room with her,
“Hello, my darling daughter…”
and a couple days later when she tapped
my shoulder as I sat on the floor by her bed…
“This is nice…don’t forget it…”
a moment of comfort, clearly spoken,
condemning me to never forget it…

when she smiled at Marla’s granma’s jokes

calmed down when Eric brought in the priest

when Ted held her hand and she opened her eyes to see

Call it what you will-
Old Timer’s, All Timer’s, Alzheimer’s, Dementia
Play it how you may-
in movies, in books, in dark jokes, as your select cause
It stinks. It humiliates. It haunts. It torments.
Yet, if your brain clouds your mind, eliminating your fear
does it not also show mercy?

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